It’s Hard To Say

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There are some things to say in the world that slide off the tongue with the ease of a firefighter sliding down a pole on the way to the fire truck. And in truth, the world is full of those kinds of words.

You hear around sometimes that it’s hard to say things like: “I love you” or You’re amazing” or even “I do agree with you” but in fact, the idea that those things are hard to say is rooted in what you think the other person’s reaction is going to be ahead of time, before they even say it.

The fact is, it is not so hard to say things like that, and many times it is important to say them because they add to a general feeling of consensus and goodwill between people. The thought that it is going to be hard to say them is all about what you are afraid of in the other person’s response.

Are they going to laugh at you because you said “I love you”?
Will they be expecting you to say even more compliments more times if you tell them they are amazing?
Will they hold it against you at some future date if you tell them that you agree with what they are saying?

All fairly common fears and every one of them not about the words or the thoughts behind them, but about what other people might say or do as a result of you speaking in the first place.

How It Really Is

The simple truth is, that those things are easy to say, as long as you are not so worried about what somebody else is going to say back in response. And with a bit of practicing, and getting used to dealing with the reactions of other people, they become very simple to think and say.


Like Attracts Like

And when they become simple, they become a part of your regular life and pretty soon, you find yourself saying “I love you”, You’re amazing and “I agree with you” a lot. And in the way that the Universe has of sticking things together that are alike, you wind up with more opportunities to say those phrases more often. Along with a whole wheelbarrow full of other words that are really similar in nature.

A Good Thing To Understand

That’s when you know, that even if other people think something is hard, it doesn’t have to be true for you.

Other Things Are Hard, Though

And then, there are some other words and phrases that are considered to be hard to say and these are all about you and how you are inside. They don’t have anything to do with saying them out loud to someone else, but they are hard to say when you are the only one doing the telling and the hearing.

Here is one of those:

I don’t like the person that I am.

That one gets tossed around a lot. But usually in casual conversation with friends. And that isn’t quite the same. Unlike those other phrases before, this is one that is really easy to say in the presence of other people. Almost as if the speaker wants the other people to pop right up saying,

Oh no, that can’t be, you are just the greatest person ever.


small train

Really Loud Train

But where this phrase is really hard to say is in the middle of the night when you wake up with your heart pounding and the blood screaming through your ears so loud that it sounds like a freight train.

Those times when you remember how bad you made someone feel today at work, or because your relationship just ended with the same screaming match and door slam as the last 3. That time when you had money to be generous with and you crossed the street to get away from the guy looking for spare change by the subway entrance.

Those times when you know in your heart of hearts that you were born bad and you deserve all the punishment that the Universe can bestow upon you. That is the time when it is hard to say

“I don’t like the person that I am”

because the person you are is not so good. And the truth in that situation hurts, and hurts a lot.

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And then, of course, because you know that you are in charge of everything in your Universe, the voice keeps talking and wondering out loud what on earth you did to bring this awfulness into your life.

Wow. Talk about hard to take. Tell yourself the truth about how bad you are and not only does the Universe seem to be agreeing with you but then is mocking you because it’s all your fault in the first place. And if you weren’t so bad then none of this would have happened.

vicious cycle

A Really Vicious Cycle

Now there is a vicious cycle, and it all started with you saying how bad you are. No wonder, it is so hard to say in the first place.

Here’s the thing about a vicious cycle. If you keep going around in the cycle, you are going to keep getting the same results. Over and over and over again, till you get to the point where not only are thoroughly convinced that you are a bad person, but you are sure the Universe agrees with you.

Fortunately, it doesn’t take too much to break out of this kind of perpetual cycle. Just a bit of adjustment in the wording and in the thinking.

Like this.

Instead of saying to yourself, I don’t like the person that I am, you could instead say something along the lines of,

I didn’t like what I did today. It surprised me that I acted that way, because the truth of the matter is, I am not really like that at all.

And I have learned throughout the course of my life that I make all the decisions in my life about who I am and how I act.And you know what, I am going to apologize first thing in the morning, and ask to be forgiven, and that will be much more in line with the person who I really am.

Because the truth is, I really am a pretty nice person and I am happy to be living here in this wonderful Universe



OOF, now that’s a lot better kind of thought. Just the one that you want to be thinking more of, the “I am a good person” type of thought.

Because the truth, is, that is exactly the kind of person you are. And that’s a great thing to know.


6 Comments on “It’s Hard To Say”

  1. Sadie-Michaela Harris

    Your post has reminded me of my friend was going through counselling with her husband that they had to rephrase the things that they wanted to say too. They also had the challenge of each time they wanted to ‘pick a hole’ in the other partner ie say something they disliked they had to first say five thing that the person did do well. I’m sure at times this must have been incredibly hard! They were told though they had to do this otherwise they would never be able to get though the stalemate situation that they found themselves to be. They are now happily divorced! 🙂
    Sadie-Michaela Harris recently posted..Facebook Gifts Will it be a Hit or a Miss?My Profile

    1. Michael

      Words are quite amazing things, the ideas they represent can be incredibly complex, and each of us has our own individual meaning assigned to a set of words. I think its quite amazing actually that we can share as much as we do in overlap of meaning.

      You are so right about words in counseling sessions, it is one of the biggest issues in any kind of negotiations or counseling, to get the parties to agree on the words they are going to use and what the meanings of those words are.

      Sometimes two people are way better off divorced than they are being married and sometimes have a much better relationship officially apart than they do together. Good for them for figuring that out. 🙂

  2. Nick Catricala

    thanks so much for all you do for all of us who need help to balance our life. YOU are doing a great job… After reading your post here, I recongnized my self in many of your instances… and I must confess that I feel very uncmfortable to say “I love you” to any one… yes, I may do hundreds of great deeds that could be saying “I love you” to some one … but some how the real words, well, I just cannot do it yet.

    Well, in private with my ex wife or with one of my lady friends wheo I had a close relationship, I probably say those words here and there but not in the way that you intend to say them.

    I am at an age that I am not certain I get to the point to change that.. so not sure what to say except that I rather continue showig love though different means till I can get teh courage to say it loudly to someone..

    Thanks so much for your article… I know that coming to your site I will enjoy what you write since you are so positive and good hearted and great person.

    Look forward to read more in the future.
    Nick Catricala recently posted..Heart Attack – How To Avoid ItMy Profile

    1. Michael

      Thank you for your kind words, Nick. Balance is so important in our lives, the ability to give out emotions and the ability to receive them makes for a wonderful day, but for many of us, is a hard thing to do.

      I know you have the heart inside of you to understand how vital these ideas are because I know you express yourself very well, both in writing and in person. Your good deeds do show how much you truly do express love, saying it comes along after a bit, but is so well worth doing. 🙂

  3. candice michelle

    It is very informative. Thanks a lot for sharing it. You obviously put a lot of work into that post and its very interesting to see the thought process that you went through to come up with those conclusion.
    candice michelle recently posted..concealed carryMy Profile

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