There are some things to say in the world that slide off the tongue with the ease of a firefighter sliding down a pole on the way to the fire truck. And in truth, the world is full of those kinds of words.
You hear around sometimes that it’s hard to say things like: “I love you” or You’re amazing” or even “I do agree with you” but in fact, the idea that those things are hard to say is rooted in what you think the other person’s reaction is going to be ahead of time, before they even say it.
The fact is, it is not so hard to say things like that, and many times it is important to say them because they add to a general feeling of consensus and goodwill between people. The thought that it is going to be hard to say them is all about what you are afraid of in the other person’s response.
Are they going to laugh at you because you said “I love you”?
Will they be expecting you to say even more compliments more times if you tell them they are amazing?
Will they hold it against you at some future date if you tell them that you agree with what they are saying?
All fairly common fears and every one of them not about the words or the thoughts behind them, but about what other people might say or do as a result of you speaking in the first place.
How It Really Is
The simple truth is, that those things are easy to say, as long as you are not so worried about what somebody else is going to say back in response. And with a bit of practicing, and getting used to dealing with the reactions of other people, they become very simple to think and say.
And when they become simple, they become a part of your regular life and pretty soon, you find yourself saying “I love you”, You’re amazing and “I agree with you” a lot. And in the way that the Universe has of sticking things together that are alike, you wind up with more opportunities to say those phrases more often. Along with a whole wheelbarrow full of other words that are really similar in nature.
A Good Thing To Understand
That’s when you know, that even if other people think something is hard, it doesn’t have to be true for you.
Other Things Are Hard, Though
And then, there are some other words and phrases that are considered to be hard to say and these are all about you and how you are inside. They don’t have anything to do with saying them out loud to someone else, but they are hard to say when you are the only one doing the telling and the hearing.
Here is one of those:
I don’t like the person that I am.
That one gets tossed around a lot. But usually in casual conversation with friends. And that isn’t quite the same. Unlike those other phrases before, this is one that is really easy to say in the presence of other people. Almost as if the speaker wants the other people to pop right up saying,
|Oh no, that can’t be, you are just the greatest person ever.|
But where this phrase is really hard to say is in the middle of the night when you wake up with your heart pounding and the blood screaming through your ears so loud that it sounds like a freight train.
Those times when you remember how bad you made someone feel today at work, or because your relationship just ended with the same screaming match and door slam as the last 3. That time when you had money to be generous with and you crossed the street to get away from the guy looking for spare change by the subway entrance.
Those times when you know in your heart of hearts that you were born bad and you deserve all the punishment that the Universe can bestow upon you. That is the time when it is hard to say
“I don’t like the person that I am”
because the person you are is not so good. And the truth in that situation hurts, and hurts a lot.
And then, of course, because you know that you are in charge of everything in your Universe, the voice keeps talking and wondering out loud what on earth you did to bring this awfulness into your life.
Wow. Talk about hard to take. Tell yourself the truth about how bad you are and not only does the Universe seem to be agreeing with you but then is mocking you because it’s all your fault in the first place. And if you weren’t so bad then none of this would have happened.
Now there is a vicious cycle, and it all started with you saying how bad you are. No wonder, it is so hard to say in the first place.
Here’s the thing about a vicious cycle. If you keep going around in the cycle, you are going to keep getting the same results. Over and over and over again, till you get to the point where not only are thoroughly convinced that you are a bad person, but you are sure the Universe agrees with you.
Fortunately, it doesn’t take too much to break out of this kind of perpetual cycle. Just a bit of adjustment in the wording and in the thinking.
Instead of saying to yourself, I don’t like the person that I am, you could instead say something along the lines of,
OOF, now that’s a lot better kind of thought. Just the one that you want to be thinking more of, the “I am a good person” type of thought.
Because the truth, is, that is exactly the kind of person you are. And that’s a great thing to know.