The world is a pretty big place and there are a lot of reasons for doing most things. Sometimes two or more people will do the same thing and they will have completely different reason for doing it.
Let’s take something easy like going to the store.
Some people will go because they have to pick up a carton of milk or a birthday present or a snake so they can clean out their drain in the kitchen.
And other people will go there because they want to see what’s on sale, to see if it is something they would like to have.
And others are going to go to the store because it is a safe warm place where they can be out of the elements and where the police won’t round them up for being vagrants.
And still others will go to the store because they work there or they deliver stuff there or they pick stuff up there and deliver it somewhere else.
Lots and lots of reasons for doing something as simple as going to the store.
Every Person Has Their Own Reason
That actually is a pretty simple thing to do. And there are a ton of reasons besides the ones already written down that you could be going to the store. You could even go so far as to say that each person who goes to the store has their own individual reason for doing that.
So for every person who goes to the store, there is a particular reason. And that reason is unique to each individual.
But that is for simple things like going to the store.
What do we do when the issue is a bit more complex than going to the store?
How do we figure out why other people are doing the things they are doing? Even more confounding on occasion is the question of how we figure out why we ourselves are doing what we are doing at any given moment?
Reflex we call it, the idea that when something happens we react to it. Like when somebody pops a balloon with a pin when we least expect it. We just do the same thing over and over again. If not the exact same thing, then the same pattern of behavior.
Take something a bit more complex than going to the store – like relationships. Why do we do the things we do in our relationships? Why does it always seem like we meet the same person over and over again. To the point where we might think that there is only one kind of person in the world. Now we are not just talking about romantic relationships here but all kinds of them.
It usually isn’t just that people pick the same kind of romantic partner over and over again, but the same kind of boss, and the same kind of hair stylist and the same kind of person to be friends with.
It is almost as if they are following a rule that somebody taught them about who to have relationships with.
|And you already know that “almost as if” pretty much means they are following a rule and most people don’t even realize that they are doing this.|
So where do these rules come from. The ones that tell you who your friends can be. What kind of place you are going to work at. The kind of people you can have a relationship with. Or not.
They come from your parents most of the time. And if not from your parents then from the people who raised you. And they often come from the person whose inherit job it was to steer you in your feelings.
Your mother. And you have the relationships you do because she said those were the ones you could have. And because that is often the kind of relationship she had herself.
Now, these are not always destructive. There are plenty of people who have great relationships with all the other people in their lives and often it is because their mothers had great relationships.
It is just one of those things in life that was a reason for not hanging around someone.
Because my Mom said so.
And usually that settled things pretty quickly. This pronouncement could come in the form of a blessing or it could come in the form of a shunning.
But either way, the fact is, that your Mom’s personal preferences in life have a lot to do with the relationships you have right now. And if those relationships are fabulous, that is fantastic.
But if they are not, then that is a different story.
Things Are Different Now
Truth is, it is OK for you to have your own idea about who your friends are going to be, the type of place you are going to work, the type of establishments you are going to seek out to do business in. And “because my Mom said so” is probably not the best reason in the world for making a choice anymore.
<insert emoticon for sotto voce>OK, if you are a kid reading this, then sure, it’s a pretty good reason. But for everyone else, it is OK for you to make your own decisions.</emoticon for sotto voce>
But Things Might be The Same
Now, if those turn out to be the same as the ones you were taught to make when you were a kid, that’s cool. And if they are not, then it is really alright for you to choose something different right now.
Sometimes the ability to believe that this is an OK thing to do is hard to get hold of. And people spend a lot of time trying to figure out if it is OK for them to make their own choices.
It is OK for you to decide to choose something different in your life. All choices have consequences, of course, but making your own choices, even if they are different than what you were raised with, is something that you can do.
And you don’t need anyone’s permission.
Could be that you don’t need to make any different choices, and that is excellent. But if you do, if that kind of nagging feeling is in your tummy and you are wondering if it is OK for you to select a different course of action in your life – the answer is “yes”
It really is your life
Either way, you are making a choice. Remain the same or change. And both can bring you great benefits.
But peace of heart lies in understanding that you do have a choice. Might as well choose to have a great day and a great life. Those sound pretty good to me.
Filed under: Change